I had a baaaad marriage. Look to the right--I’ve got the category to prove it. ;-) Lots of emotional abuse to bask in—name calling, cheating, lying, criticizing, looming, barking orders—that sort of thing. And he backed up his bark by staying unemployed and stoned. The wheels fell off this relationship early, but down the road I finally steered on over to the curb and got out. When I started blogging, I figured I’d spill out all this built up bile, but not much seems worth putting down. For one thing, it’s dated, old news (although some of my rants from back then are prodigious ;-)), and B) I’m working on moving on.
Working on it. The thing with the boy earlier this year showed me something about myself—I doubt the people close to me. Softer than ‘don’t trust’ but an internal check point nonetheless. Didn’t even realize I was doing it until I started to get close to the boy. Tried to explain it to him without really understanding it myself and he took offense, and the wheels promptly fell off that relationship.
Ah well, live and learn. But these things showed me something else that I’ll be keeping in mind—pay attention to omens in life that blare at you like car horns!
Omen 1. On the very first date with the boor I ended up marrying. We were to meet at a place in Princeton for drinks dinner whathaveyou. So off I sped in my little red Spider, excited. Not so fast young lady—the front wheel fell off my car on Mt View Rd. Now how clearer can an omen be for Christ’s sake? Does it need to land on me and sting me? Apparently.
Omen 2. On my wedding day. Got married on the rainiest day in history, but that’s not the omen. The omen came in the form of a wicked-painful bee sting to the soft inner part of my upper arm. Hurts just remembering.
Omen 3. On my 7th anniversary. Managed to avoid all bees for 7 long years, but I got a wake-up sting from the bee, who was annoyed that I wasn’t listening to my omens.
As I said, live and learn. I’ll keep that check point in place, but do better to heed those bees.
Live, Learn and Remember but don't exist there as the saying goes.
Posted by: Legomen | April 21, 2004 at 04:29 PM
I had omens, although the primary incident was a bit too large and outspoken to count as any sort of metaphor for my potential marriage. As I was getting ready for the rehearal dinner, my sister came to my house, hauled my ass out of the shower and said, "DO NOT MARRY THIS MAN! He is an emotional vampire who will suck the soul out of you!"
I absolutely hate that she was right.
Posted by: snowball | April 21, 2004 at 04:30 PM
sisters have way don't they?
nice phrasing Legomen. I'll do just that. :-)
Posted by: em | April 21, 2004 at 06:21 PM
Yes, I agree. I don't think bee stings or wheels falling off would have connected for me either. I would need a more direct sign!
Posted by: Diann | April 21, 2004 at 09:38 PM
*nods slowly and wisely*
I didn't have an omen on my wedding day, more my Mother pinching my arm and hissing "you are going through with it young lady, you will NOT embarrass me".
So instead I got divorced at a later date.
I do the 'doubting' thing as well. I don't quite believe, I smirk cynically and refuse all attempts at romance, never wishing to allow myself to let go enough to be fooled again. The doubts erode away at the relationship - eventually, driven by the continual comments, quips and disbelief, the chap will just cave in.
Posted by: Little Miss Verte | April 22, 2004 at 09:35 AM
I think its only natural to doubt people who you are becoming closer to. The closer i get i feel that i have to be suspicious of ppl and find out whether they are genuine or not. I think its a loss thing with me though, due to my parents.
Posted by: Hans | April 22, 2004 at 01:29 PM
LMV--Moms. mine most likely thought just the opposite--"Do not marry this smarmy man-child!" but it seems i've trained her too well and she keeps her advice to herself.
Hans--that's damn solid reason to go forth with care.
Posted by: em | April 22, 2004 at 01:48 PM
ooh! ooh! (raising hand, waving wildly) My groom danced with his ex-wife to "May I Have This Dance for The Rest of my Life" at our reception. Talk about omens!
Posted by: ellie | April 26, 2004 at 03:10 PM
and you didn't kick him to the ground why?
Posted by: em | April 26, 2004 at 03:42 PM
He claimed he wasn't paying attention to the song. Besides, I was still a Midwesterner then. They don't believe in making a scene. They don't even like to be an extra in the scene.
Posted by: ellie | April 26, 2004 at 09:43 PM
My love got married with my brother now what i do?
Posted by: frinds dating | December 26, 2009 at 06:09 AM