my first date

had my first date in 15 years. ohmygod what a jerk. he drank too much, which normally wld have made me be all "hey, wait up!" but he got really weird and very very annoying.

mainly, he was incredibly pushy and overbearing. right off the bat, he wanted me to go see elton john with him, and was an absolute asshole about me answering him on the spot. well hell, i wanted to think about it--it's a huge time commitment, i don't like doing stuff like that on weeknights, i don't like elton john, and i didn't really know whether i wanted to hang out with this guy for 4 hours, but i was willing to think about it and tell him TOMORROW. but he wouldn't shut up about it. he got all in my face--literally--and just kept hammering away at me to answer him NOW. and every time i tried to tell him i needed a day or so to check my calendar and whatnot, he just talked over me in a very aggressive way.

Him:
"There's no reason why you can't answer me now."
Me:
"well, I--"
Him:
"It's a simple question, so is it yes or no. Yes or no?"
Me:
"I've got to check my cal--"
Him:
"Explain why you can't tell me yes or no tonight. I find your unwillingness to tell me yes or no confusing."
Me:
"I just--"
Him:
"So is it yes or no?"

i don't know why i didn't get up and go. i shld have, but every time i said i needed to head home he wld say, "jeez, can't i have a minute to finish my beer?!" and he nursed that damn thing for the next 45 mins, during which time i had to listen to him sing along with "bye bye miss american pie"--in its ENTIRETY. and it's LONG.

so after he finally finished singing and asking me 15 times "you alright?" and telling me 15 times what a great time he's having and obsessively stroking my hand and arm, he was ready to let me leave. but i wasn't getting away without kissing the freak. ok, fine. so i thought i'd get thru the kiss and get the hell out of there. but he turned this into a ridiculous and hugely aggravating ordeal. first i shd say that the act of kissing someone new after 15 years with the same partner is to me a strange and slightly scary situation. the mechanics of it are awkward in the best of circumstances, and i needed it to be quick and superficial. but NO. like 10 times this jerk said that now was the time to present myself for the kiss, and i obliged each time, CUZ I WANTED TO GET THE HELL OUT OF THERE, but then he wld f&cking tell me "no, no, that's not right. close your eyes." or he'd say as i leaned toward him, "you're going to kiss me like that?!" or he'd simply pull his head back and away and laugh, and i'd be left hanging there. SO F&CKING UPSETTING. and this was in the goddamn stockton inn, sitting at the bar in front of the bartender and all the people having drinks/dinner! it was sadistic. i'm serious!

well finally i'm making a beeline for the door, and he pops in front of me to open it, but he can't get it open because he's pushing not pulling (ha!), so he walks back to go out thru the dining room, and i simply step up and pull the damn thing toward me and out i go. but i didn't close it all the way, and as i'm reaching back to close it, the bartender is walking around to also close it, and this freaking imbecile comes swerving up to me outside screaming like a goddamn banshee like it's halloween or something! what the hell was this about?!! he scared the bartender, but i just wanted to disappear. poof. but no. still had to live thru walking to my car--and that kiss--which so far was a failure. now i've dropped all semblance of being polite. i've had it, but he won't give me back the stupid magazine i brought with me until i kiss him. i was ready to f&cking *kill him!* but i did it--i moved in, kissed his smushy dry lips, and got in my car and tried to rip the f&ck out of there, but he then stretched out on the ground in the middle of the road blocking my exit!!! what the world is the matter with this person?

then he called me when i got home to apologize, and sent me an email this morning saying something to the effect of, "i guess i made you uncomfortable over the kiss." and asking me out again.

so went my first date.

Comments

[d meara]

How perfect that he was pushing the door when it needed to be pulled ... he was pushing all night, so that was in keeping with his behavior. It could be used in a skit - some sot going the wrong in the wrong direction all night, not least being to an Elton John concert.

[jj]

So . . . uh . . . you gonna see him again?

He sounds, unique, ya know? In a human-speed-bump kind of way.

What a maroon!

[Mindy]

Run. Run fast, run hard, run deep. This is exactly why I intend to stay married... :-0

Nice meeting you!

[richard]

Sounds like an...er...interesting gentleman. I'm intrigued by the way he kept bottling out of kissing you. I always think that if a woman is prepared to kiss you, you should really respond instantly.

Perhaps he's gay? There is, after all, this fascination with Elton John...

[em]

maybe, maybe not. but he'll never know what he missed out on.

[Tsee]

Err...I came across your blog by chance and I've to say, the few entries gave me pause. You need to learn to say no and stand up for yourself.

[em]

Err...fuck off tsetse. Your shallow judgement, based on a few entries, is boorish, and if anything gives me pause, it's your superior, self-congratulatory tone. Get out of Upstate NY. Your youth and provincialism are showing.

Is that any better?

[frinds dating]

Hit when Iron is hot.

[Generic Viagra]

I didn't have problem in my first date. She was quite a girl and we have an excellent time together. We went to a cinema and then we ate.

[generic viagra]

First dates are usually a mess, both parties are nervous, one isn't sure of what to expect from each other, or there are the first dates in where you find your soulmate and the whole evening is magical.

[website]

I know it's unforgettable. Like anyone else.