quick story

That's me, I swear!

It was a quiet evening at home, the day before the Thanksgiving holiday. I was scratching around the Intarnet, and when no one was looking, I did a quick Google on myself (as ya do). And up came a list of work-related kafocta, but the second entry down on the list stood out as definitely not work-related. (And another entry in there revealed my non-blogging alter-ego via bookgroup, so sorry JtH, but I've got to delete that post because I can't fix it.)

You know how Google truncates that stuff? The item on the list showed [insert really complimentary adjectives here]. Update: My wonderful friend and online protector Em3 has pointed out that a simple Google using the exact phrases originally posted here provides another backdoor to my secret identity. Crap. But anyway, please carry on with the post] and I thought OH that is SO me! And I called the kids and my brother and the cat and the bird over to see the glory that is me! Ok, ok, was me.
Sam: "Pfft. That's not you."
Kate: "God mom."
Joey: "Can I have a Yoohoo?"
Brother: "Uh huh, nice."
Cat: "Bird!"
Bird: "Cat!"

But it actually was me, an entry on a blog from someone I had lost touch with from way back in the day--back when you better believe I was smart, funny, well-dressed, and strangest of all, cool. Her post was about losing touch with friends. And ever since I read it, can I just say that I've been feeling as if I was given an extravagant and special gift? And for that, I am very thankful.

A bit of shouting

My job is too hard lately. It is unrelenting, squeeeezing me, compressing all the fluids and moisture out of my body.  I'm a dried up old grouch now. When the wind blows, I make flapping noises.

So in lieu of a quick story, I will take a moment and mention some of the blogs I value (in no particlualr order):

Escape from Blogland--Mr Cordiality, the ultimate blog MC, and with content that challenges, provokes at times....
Greavsie--funny as hell, consistently; and for those of us requiring instant gratification, his comments area is very well-maintained.
Happy Hour--so hilarious when she's not being heart-wrenching.
Que Sera--the writing is awesome, effortless.
Wibble--how'd he get so insightful, so good at expressing things? also love the music posts, because we seem to have had the same stuff blaring away on the radio over the years.
10 Signs--she makes your mouth water with all that talk of fresh healthful food. The Food Channel should take heed.
Criticize Me--Is it not awesome that we now follow along with the comings and goings of a good buddy who just happens to live across the Atlantic Ocean?
Southern Bird--lordy woman you are a pip!
Bridget Who--a humor-filled slice of life in Londinium. Makes me wish I was younger.
This Is My/Prose and Cons--whoa, such good stuff, but too infrequent.
Stop the World--they seem like old friends, even tho I don't even know where they live. Weird, but cool in a way, OK a stalkerish way...
Words for My Enjoyment--an inside peek at Hollywood. Yes, a Hollywood that's a bit skewed...and with a helluva robust imagination.

And a big shout out to some new blogs that I think are awesome--
splee, JtH, wedge, long lost one.

I totally envy every one of you. :-)

A NYC sideshow

I was most pleased to accompany 2 renown bloggers to New York City this past weekend (with a kid or 2 belonging to me). We strolled around Greenwich Village for a bit and then relocated for a longer meander around the Times Square district. I showed off my shopping skills by unnecessarily causing us all to go through every sporting goods store along the way in search of softball uniform socks and slide pads.

Soon, ice cream was required, and following a 10-block search for an ice cream shop that suited Katie, we settled on Ice Cream Dee-Lite. And following 15 minutes of careful consideration and several samples in tiny paper jiggers, we all had our favorite flavor in hand.

Outside, Barbarella demonstrated her finely-tuned juggling skills by lofting her mango gelato into the air and bopping it from hand to hand several times. It was when she sought to include me in the game that the double scoop of ice cream landed tragically on the sidewalk. Hey! I wasn't ready! We worked on our act again at dinnertime that night, when a cheeseburger was shot from its Kaiser roll. We're still perfecting that one too... 

Good people

Now that was a flood. A river with havoc on its mind.

I know, I know, last time I was all about  "Hurricane-Ivan-blasted-through-here-like-a-runaway-freight-
train!!!!!!!" But in retrospect, the river was polite in its wandering then. It moseyed out of its banks, sidled over to the where the homes are, flowed into them, stood around for a while, and then walked on back to where it belonged. But this one was worse. It raged through the neighborhood and peoples' homes--took down some garages and lots of mature trees, including almost an entire forest out on the island in the middle of the river. It carved out great big sink holes around the foundations of homes and also randomly created deep pits in open areas. It washed anything and everything that you had outside in your yard away down south, like my rack of firewood--all gone! But on the upside, I was able to claim some logs that ended up in my yard but rightfully resided up-river. Hey, what's fair is fair. And yo, I had no heat until I could get a new furnace installed, so I needed that wood. 

So. Just to recap, I was off on a business trip when everyone was evacuated, and that stoked my anxiety. I got a near-constant stream of cell phone calls from various peoples. This did not help.
Jim: "Hey, where are you, you alright? What's this I hear about a dam bursting up north?" Yaaa!...
Katie: "MOM, THE RIVER IS HALF-WAY UP LEE AVE--THAT'S OVER OUR ROOF, RIGHT?" Nooo! This was not accurate as it turns out, but this did not help me maintain my game face for the upcoming advisory board meeting and dinner.

OK, this might sound a bit off, but I'm thinking that had I been here, my constant vigilance would have kept that river at bay. Also, I think that had I decided to bail out on my business trip, the mahoosive flood would have turned to a trickle, but God forbid I should look foolish to my bosses. So, sorry neighbors. . .  :-/

Once I got back, the kids and I spent several nights in hotels, without access to an Internet line :-(, and we'd check out every morning, hoping that we'd be allowed back into the neighborhood. Our days were spent in the gym at Junior 3 (a large dilapidated pubic school up on higher ground), where the American Red Cross had set up a shelter for us refugees. The mayor was heckled mercilessly thru 3 daily meetings at 9, 1, and 6, and I wanted to be there for that. Thank God we didn't have to spend the nights, but can I just say RED CROSS, I LOVE YOU ALL!! Food, beverages, and a place to sleep. But maybe most important, a helpful supportive broad shoulder for us all. You guys rock. You get my charity dollars this year. Odd aside--on day 3 when we arrived mid-morning after check-out time I walked in to find 2 upper-level exec's from a former job of mine, both now retired and volunteering with the Red Cross. Wish my clothes weren't so rumpled. . . . 

This however did not stop me from shooting a few hoops for a couple of days with 2 of the older kids who were at the shelter full time. 2 on 2, me and the skinny white boy against the tall biracial girl and the rasta guy--oooo! whites against blacks! No idea what the final score was, but I did get a busted lip going after a loose ball--no (big drippy) blood no foul. Best part was the mortification I inflicted on the girls.

This post is getting long, and I have a few more things to tell, so I'll save them for another time. But before I sign off, I want to tell you guys that I'VE SEEN BARBARELLA IN PERSON AND YO HER SILVER DRESS IS SHINY LIKE THAT! Truly a bright spot following some dank times. :-)

Wow, it's a Magnolia-blossom blizzard outside the window right now from .rz's tree. . . Beautiful . . .

Making waves

Download seaside_014.MOV

If it weren’t for bad luck, I’d have no luck at all.

Seaside boardwalk: $250
Em and family: 0 prizes

My friend Janice—one of my oldest girl-gang friends who joined us at the shore from her place in New Hampshire—managed to win one of those motorized scooters--a motorized scooter FFS!--plus dozens of balls and pendants and stuffed flamingoes etc. I didn’t want any of that crap (although I tried of course)--all I wanted was one of those tall colorful plush hats. Katie and I played that wheel and played that wheel chasing that hat, but ultimately the wheel played us. And the rest of the night, it deeply irked that all around us up and down the boardwalk were people in those hats, everywhere the eye could see, blue/purple/yellow fluffy stovepipe hats. I wanted one bad.

I did however have a helluva blast on the bumper cars. I haven’t done that in decades, and Joey and I took the wheel against Janice and JoAnne—our girl-gang compadre. I laughed so hard I could barely see to find J+J and crash into them. Have a touch of neck sprain now....

Hang on—correction: I did go home from the boardwalk with something—a parking ticket. I pumped *4 hours* worth of quarters into that meter and had the temerity to return to my car in 4 hours and 10 minutes. That is one well-oiled parking-ticket-revenue-earning machine that they’ve got ramped up over to Seaside. Janice’s vehicle? Ticketless. Lucky bastard.

Heartfelt apologies for the humongous pictures of past posts—I will try to size them better this time. Also trying to post a vidclip of Joey--what's he doing running in circles? why he's MAKING A TORNADO!!, of course.

Update--OK, I'm unable to get those damn pics to come in smaller. hmmpph, frustrating. Also, how do you place them elsewhere in the post? I don't want it at the top...

Improving the nabe

A shout out to PaulyD for creating this fabulous banner thingie. Spruces things up a bit, dontcha think? His page is all multi-media and whatnot, and while I've been telling myself that my ho-hum look didn't matter cuz It's All About Content over here at Quick Story *cough*, I'm chagrined to admit that his writing is awfully damn flashy too.

Hats off to you PD!

2 things (Internet weirdos)

1. I'm taking Sam to her Internet weirdo conference in Philadelphia today. Picking up flesh-and-blood/Internet-weirdo pal Jeremy--a delightful young man--and heading for the Hilton. Things will already be well underway when we arrive, so these kids will be champing at the bit to scrape me off their backs and hit the streets (in furry animal slippers I'm afraid). I of course have much reconnoitering to do before I allow them out of the reins. This event is pure oddwad so stay tuned for on-the-scene updates.

2. But as soon as I shed those pesky kids, I will hightail it over to a local Philly pub to meet up with some Internet weirdo friends of my own--Mr. Fridge Magnet and Ms. Enigma. I've not met them in the flesh yet, and just between me and you, if either one shows up in anything furry or "anthropomorphic," I'm staying hidden in my dark corner of the bar. ;-)

Gardening and partying

The nervously anticipated Island garden tour was this past Saturday, and it went pretty well, all in all. As I think I mentioned, I volunteered to organize it this year, and this was more involved than I had imagined. Got the brochure materials started early--good. Got the advertisements out to the media outlets late--bad. Deadlines, schmedlines (but you know, you'd think a professional *editor* would have a better sense of these things ffs). Most made it in anyway tho.

I (okay, Katie and her friends) distributed the lovely poster that neighbor BK had designed and printed only a bit later than intended. Took a bit of ribbing about the signage that I begged from .rz to direct people from the nearby highway into the neighborhood. Too small was the complaint. Well too damn bad. We're relying on people like him to *donate* their efforts, so shut up.

Because the weather cooperated, turnout was the highest ever, and we made decent money for the civic association. Don't ask me what they do with it, because I don't know.

I invited my friends to take the tour and then stop in at my house for a small get-together. This had me (okay, me and Katie and her friends) in a cleaning frenzy all week, but now that's done for the quarter..;-) I put together (okay, bought) some delicious and inviting platters of fresh veggies, dips, cheeses, pepperoni, and crackers; also the prerequisite bowls of chips and such; and of course beer wine soda on ice in coolers. Everything was set up outside on the porch on the 2 big tables, which looked very nice with fresh flowers in vases and new tablecloths. Because we stayed outside, the interior damage was minimal, but we did have one small mishap on the porch--tall neighbor Paul sat on the porch railing and it caved. I'm glad he didn't end up on his back in the garden 5 feet down, because he might have broke more than a hosta. The railing is old, like the house, and it's suspended between the porch pillars via connections directly into the brick pillar abutments. This doesn't seem like such a good design, although it looks nice.

It was a good albeit long day. I left the dozens and dozens of empties and food detritus till the morning.

This blog--okay, I--have become So. Fucking. Boring.

Em’s not quite behind the wheel…

High school graduation night, 1979. A house party at the DeLo’s: 50 kids all under the age of 20. 0 adult supervision. 3 kegs of beer. A night of poor judgement all around--A running list.

(1) My friend Cindy’s father gave her a custom van as a graduation gift. Remember those? A symbol of the 70s—shag carpet, porthole back windows, built-in mattress—one of those “if this van’s a-rockin’ then don’t come a-knockin!’” vehicles. Not that Cindy was Jeff Spicoli—her father owned a car dealership and (2) she usually drove a Corvette, poor kid. Maybe the van needed “breaking in” or something, so he gave it to her.

(3) “Let’s go for a ride on my new van!”
(4) “OK!”
(5) “Plus we need more beer.”
(6) “Yup!”

(7) We roared off as if we were in a Corvette. Destination--(8)Club 88, a fine establishment, if you’re 50 or 60, unemployed, and an alcoholic. But they had package goods. The large parking lot was mostly empty, the tavern at the far end.

BA-BUMP! (9) Cindy had failed to adequately slow our rate of speed as we veered into the parking lot.

PHOOF!! (10) Cindy’s feet whipped by my head as she cart-wheeled out of the Captain’s chair and rolled to the back of the van.

Imagine yourself for a moment hurtling at 50 or 60 mph toward a building filled with overly relaxed patrons, no one in the driver’s seat next to you. What to do, what to do… Jump across and stand up on the brakes? Nope, sorry--the transmission compartment was like a big built-in table between the passenger seat and the Captain’s chair. Abandon ship? Hell no, that’s solid asphalt and you’re going 60. Sorry, you took too long—you just rammed the van through the front wall of the bar, killing 7. Wa wa wa waaaa.

(11) I grabbed the wheel of the van. Pulled it HARD toward myself. Prepared for a major collision between my shoulder and the dashboard. Missed the building, but ohhhh, that Camero. Hit it broadside. Demolished. Van? Demolished.

(12) Em goes inside to find the owner of the Camero…

A couple of pics from the meet...

Sorry the resolution and lighting are so crappy. Could also be that the photographer is crappy..;-)